Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
