I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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