She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
