so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
