I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
