I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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