He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
