Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
