so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
