We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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