What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
