she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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