i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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