If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
