I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
