ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
