at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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