GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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