Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
