i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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