the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
