What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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