i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
