I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
