we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
