based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
