shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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