Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
