I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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