My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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