i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
