Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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