all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
