literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My vagina is officially offended.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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