Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
