hotel room ftw
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
