its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
