Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
