a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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