the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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