I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
