I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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