I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
