I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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