had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
