Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
