she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
