So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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