i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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