I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
