I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
