I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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