K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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