Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
