If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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