Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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