Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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