I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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