how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
