Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
