What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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