3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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