What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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