Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
