god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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