I'm laying in your front yard are you home
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
