Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
