Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
