Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
