sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
