I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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