we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
