My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently you make a good broom.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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