Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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