He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
