i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
