Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
