Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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