I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
