dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
