did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
