guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
