you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
