Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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