A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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