I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
