just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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