Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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