An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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